A few weeks ago, I was taking a trip to the East Coast for a friend’s wedding. My husband and I landed in Boston and we carpooled to a lovely resort in Vermont with another couple – let’s call them Peter and Mary – who are dear friends of ours. The drive to Vermont was a few hours which was actually quite nice because it gave the four of us ample time to catch up about life. As we were all talking, I was struck by how calm and rested both Peter and Mary seemed, considering the fact they’re in the middle of planning their own wedding this fall. Curious to know their secret (and yes, my friends, there was a secret), I casually asked how their wedding planning was going. Much to my surprise, their reply was – “great!”

Now, if you’ve ever spoken to a couple just a few months out from a wedding, this is not the type of answer you often hear. Most of the time you hear stories from the couple filled with sleepless nights, take-out and tears. Even for my own wedding, although we kept things very small and simple, we were stressed and it felt like the wedding became the major topic of conversation between us.

When I remarked at how rare it was to feel great about the wedding planning process, Mary responded with the most amazing idea that I just wish I had thought of myself:

“Well,” Mary said, “Peter thought of a rule that we’ve been following and it’s worked really well: We only talk about the wedding on Sunday afternoons. We’re not allowed to talk about it any other time of the week.

As my mind was blown, Peter elaborated.

“Yeah,” he said. “Anything that comes up, we write it down so we remember to bring it up on Sunday. Then, we sit down for a couple hours, bring up any issues that came up from family or vendors we heard about, and then make decisions based on our timeline. There’s no talking about the wedding to each other during the week, because we didn’t want the whole thing to eat into our lives.”

“It takes a bit of discipline,” Mary added, “But it also avoids making bad decisions when something immediately comes up, or belaboring on some meaningless detail just because I’m caught in the moment. When my mom says to me on a Wednesday that we really need to invite my great aunt out of the blue, I have to process it and form some sort of opinion calmly with myself before talking about it with Peter by Sunday. It keeps our emotions at bay and we really haven’t had any big arguments because we’ve been able to remain calm.”

For me, the rule of only talking at a set time of the week about your wedding seems like it makes so much room for the joy and excitement of the time. Plus, it’s something that would combat that postmortem-like depression after planning a wedding, when both people might have a difficult time readjusting to normal life (which is a real thing, I swear).

What do you guys think? Is this something you wish you’d tried during the wedding process? Or if this is something you’re trying yourself, let me know how it’s working out!

(image via Champagne Sweets)

Bneato Bar JoyAbout this blog: Joy. We want your life to be full of it. That’s why each Friday at Bneato Bar we write about ways to add more of it to your life. At the end of the day, it’s why we do what we do.

1 comment

  1. Beth Zeigler July 27, 2014 at 1:30 am

    Tess, as a bride-to-be this advice is amazing! By setting aside a day, both parties know when to expect to talk about it (which is great, esp. for the guy). For Adam, he gets overwhelmed easily but with most things, if he can plan for it and know what to expect, he has a much better time with it. Thank you for sharing!

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